What "Ordinary Courage" Looks Like

Well, today I discovered that I have to have courage to wear certain outfits or articles of clothing. Pencil skirts is one of them. My hot pink pumps, long necklaces, short hair, and straight/skinny jeans also fall into that category. I've, over the years (and with lots of help from my future husband, actually) had to build up courage while building up my wardrobe. It reminds me of this quote:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." -- Marrianne Williamson

So, here I go. I'm determined. Determined to wear the pencil skirts that make my lower half look great. Determined to wear bold colors like teal, plum, blue, red, and hot pink. Determined to wear the pumps rather than my "safe" heels. Determined to wear those skinny jeans. Determined to cut my hair. For me, it takes an awful lot of courage to make myself look good, to make myself be myself and stand out. I've been a decision away my whole life, so here I go.

Decision made: I am worth looking good, and I'm gonna tell this story with my whole heart!

--Samantha

Anxiously Engaged

I wrote this about an hour ago. Its really just my thoughts and feelings about my time spent being engaged--in poem form:


I'm caught in a place between dreams and reality
wondering where I should go.
I'm stepping forward while looking back;
I'm in between house and home.

He's holding onto the string of my heart;
his arms are safe and warm.
With the hands of our souls clasping so tight,
we, together, walk through the storm.

We're caught in a place between hopes and dreams
and reality and ribbons and bows.
A leap of faith forward and no turning back:
for together, we're already home.

Goodnight,
Samantha

Owning it

So, I've started reading this book called The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown. (visit her blog! www.ordinarycourage.com) First of all, I haven't read a book without skipping around in a loooong time. Much less devoured about half of it in only a few hours. I have never professed to be a good reader, but I am enjoying the things I am discovering!

One of the things discussed in the book is vulnerability and how it related to connection, compassion, courage, love, and shame. Well, posting things on a blog that no one reads may not sound paralyzing, but it certainly is. Just the thought of sending my ideas out into the vicious jowls of the interwebs is a little frightening to say the least. This blog is basically my journal, and I have never let people read my journals.

A big theme of this book is to "own our stories". Well, the beginning of this blog was kind of a feeble attempt at owning my stories, but in reading enlightening pages (and in rereading some of my older posts), I'm resolving to record more of my stories and more of my thoughts. The Lord has commanded His children to keep records and keep journals, and this, I think, is because we learn so well from our past selves, but not if we don't remember who they were.

So, here I am. Being vulnerable. Owning my stories. Owning my opinions, thoughts and discoveries. And trying not to chicken out or go crazy. Wish me luck!

-Samantha