Babies are Lucky

Babies are lucky

Don't tell me they're not

They're someone's everything

Someone's first thought

Babies are lucky

They never get cold

They're always wrapped up

In someone's warm hold

Babies are lucky

They never need fear

Someone's always saying

"Don't worry, I'm here"

But once they grow up

Then they will see

Their luck has run out

And they end up like me

--Sam

Good Morning! Afternoon!

Things Madelyn Discovered today:

• How to turn around 360 degrees. (Woohoo!)
• Green beans are yummier than squash.
• How to grab the bowl of baby food.
• How to spread baby food over hands, legs, and the chair next to her.

And ALL before her afternoon nap! She's a smarty-pants!

Things I discovered today:

• When I'm behind Madelyn, she can hear me and will turn to see me. Eventually she will learn to turn over.
• Madelyn is a SUCKER for puppets!! 

Could this video be her future?!

• Madelyn's giggles are THE BEST.

Ta-ta for Now!

Sam

PS: That video is from my sister, who is currently serving a full-time mission for our church. Hop over to her blog if you want a weekly uplifting message! She is amazing!

No more Back-to-School!

Ok, friends. This is the FIRST TIME IN 20 YEARS that I have not gotten ready for school.

No back-to-school shopping.

No new gel pens, colorful binders, no locker/dorm/classroom decorations, no picking out sheet music, no lesson plans, and--worst of all--no classmates.

No fellow students to meet.

No fellow teachers to greet.

No one saying "See you at recess/lunch/that boring staff meeting none of us want to go to".

And, truth be told, I am terrified.

Normally, the summer is a break. A much needed one. And the fall means getting back into "real life". But guess what? THIS IS MY LIFE NOW. Staying home with Madelyn. Taking care of the house, composing, drawing.

DOING WHATEVER THE HECK I WANT.





Sooooo....... what do I want?

O___O

....I kinda want someone older than 6 months to hang out with....

I mean, this is normal, right? Is this why play groups exist? Not so the kids can socialize, but so the Moms can socialize?

.....Right?

Maybe writing my thoughts will help me along the way. Or maybe I'll forget for four more years. Who knows. 

Here's what I do know:

I love Madelyn with all my heart. I love being her mom, and I love hanging out with her. I am grateful for the opportunity to stay home with her--not all moms get this chance. I am lucky, I am blessed, and I am discovering new things every day.

And that I would not change.

Ta-ta for now,
Sam

What "Ordinary Courage" Looks Like

Well, today I discovered that I have to have courage to wear certain outfits or articles of clothing. Pencil skirts is one of them. My hot pink pumps, long necklaces, short hair, and straight/skinny jeans also fall into that category. I've, over the years (and with lots of help from my future husband, actually) had to build up courage while building up my wardrobe. It reminds me of this quote:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." -- Marrianne Williamson

So, here I go. I'm determined. Determined to wear the pencil skirts that make my lower half look great. Determined to wear bold colors like teal, plum, blue, red, and hot pink. Determined to wear the pumps rather than my "safe" heels. Determined to wear those skinny jeans. Determined to cut my hair. For me, it takes an awful lot of courage to make myself look good, to make myself be myself and stand out. I've been a decision away my whole life, so here I go.

Decision made: I am worth looking good, and I'm gonna tell this story with my whole heart!

--Samantha

Anxiously Engaged

I wrote this about an hour ago. Its really just my thoughts and feelings about my time spent being engaged--in poem form:


I'm caught in a place between dreams and reality
wondering where I should go.
I'm stepping forward while looking back;
I'm in between house and home.

He's holding onto the string of my heart;
his arms are safe and warm.
With the hands of our souls clasping so tight,
we, together, walk through the storm.

We're caught in a place between hopes and dreams
and reality and ribbons and bows.
A leap of faith forward and no turning back:
for together, we're already home.

Goodnight,
Samantha

Owning it

So, I've started reading this book called The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown. (visit her blog! www.ordinarycourage.com) First of all, I haven't read a book without skipping around in a loooong time. Much less devoured about half of it in only a few hours. I have never professed to be a good reader, but I am enjoying the things I am discovering!

One of the things discussed in the book is vulnerability and how it related to connection, compassion, courage, love, and shame. Well, posting things on a blog that no one reads may not sound paralyzing, but it certainly is. Just the thought of sending my ideas out into the vicious jowls of the interwebs is a little frightening to say the least. This blog is basically my journal, and I have never let people read my journals.

A big theme of this book is to "own our stories". Well, the beginning of this blog was kind of a feeble attempt at owning my stories, but in reading enlightening pages (and in rereading some of my older posts), I'm resolving to record more of my stories and more of my thoughts. The Lord has commanded His children to keep records and keep journals, and this, I think, is because we learn so well from our past selves, but not if we don't remember who they were.

So, here I am. Being vulnerable. Owning my stories. Owning my opinions, thoughts and discoveries. And trying not to chicken out or go crazy. Wish me luck!

-Samantha

Christmas Blessings

In this season, there are particularly more flurries than ever: flurries of snow that light up the eyes of the wistful, flurries of people gathering together, flurries of flames lighting the hearth, flurries of packages flying off new gadgets and toys. 

Amidst the flurries, hustles, bustles, packages, and gifts, I have, with more ease this year than ever, been able to look beyond that and see the many wonderful blessings in my life. I have a wonderful family who love me. I have an amazing boyfriend who loves me, and I love him so very, very dearly. I have more friends than I ever thought I would only a few years ago. I have a home I can come to during breaks. Our home has central heating. I have a bed, and clothes, and food, and clean water. I am going to a good school and am in the process of fulfilling my dream of being a high school choir director.

Among all these blessings though, the ones this Christmas season I'm most grateful for are my family and my boyfriend. They're all so wonderful. They support me in what I do at school, they comfort me when I"m having a rough day, they spend time with me and make me laugh. And, I have learned so much from all of them: mostly to be more appreciative of the people and blessings that surround me every day.

♪

One of the things I'm the most grateful for this year has been my testimony of my Savior and the Gospel:

First of all, I know that my Father in Heaven loves me. When I read my scriptures and think of the wonderful world we live in, the Spirit testifies of this to me. I can especially feel His divine and perfect love for me when I pray. I know He is the Father of my spirit and that he has always loved me, and that I don’t ever have to earn that. I know He is pleased when I follow his commandments and I can feel His peace in my life when I do. I know that no matter what I do, my Father in Heaven will always love me. He is encouraging, perfect, and he knows me more than anyone. He knows what I need to learn, and knows what I need to be comforted about, as well as when I need it.

I know that Jesus Christ is my Savior. I know He was born of a virgin in a manger of Bethlehem, and that angels did in reality appear to the Shepherds. I know that he walked among the people of Palestine and Ancient America. I know he suffered in the Garden of Gethsemane to atone for me. I know he died on the Cross and was resurrected three days later to complete this miraculous atonement. It is only through this atonement that I have the blessings I do: friends, the Gift of the Holy Ghost, the opportunity to repent, and the opportunity to pray to my Father in Heaven. He overcame both Spiritual Death (separation from Heavenly Father) and physical death (separation of our bodies and spirits). Through His perfect example, I can learn to become like Him. And through his atonement, I can be refined. When I repent, I will be forgiven. Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father will never leave me to be alone. They will never forsake me and they will always love me. Everything they do is for me, for my happiness, for my salvation, and so that I can return to live with them again after I die. Everything they do is because they love me.

Because Heavenly Father loves his Children, he called a prophet, Joseph Smith, to restore the Gospel to the same way it worked as set up by his Son in the New Testament. I know that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ did in reality appear to Joseph Smith that that through an angel sent by them, he received an ancient record that contains the sacred and inspired writings of God’s prophets in the Ancient Americas. They, too, testify of Jesus Christ as the Savior and Redeemer of the world, as the Only Begotten Son of the Father, and as the only way to return to live with him. I feel peace and love when I read the Book of Mormon. I know what it teaches is true, and I know that I have come closer to my Heavenly Father and my Savior by reading it. It stands as a companion with the Bible in this testimony.

I know my Savior Lives. I know that He is the true head of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and that his prophet, Thomas S. Monson, is an inspired and Godly man. I know he has also seen the Savior and testifies of him. I know the revelation he receives is in reality from God and is pertinent to the lives of ALL of his Children, of ALL of the world.

To whoever is reading this, I know Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love you. I know they will never forsake or forget you. I know that through prayer and studying the Book of Mormon, I have come to know them, and you can, too. I know that in keeping the commandments they give, I have come to feel a peace in my life that only the Gospel can bring. I know that life brings with it tumultuous times, but I also know that I can turn to my Savior and my Father in Heaven at anytime for help and comfort. I know these things with a surety to be true. I know it’s true. And knowing this has made all the difference in my life.

With sincerity and love,

S