Today, I discovered that whenever I feel alone, I have the urge to create something beautiful. I'm not quite sure what the thought process is behind this. Maybe if I create something stunning enough, I will suddenly have friends by my side? Maybe if I express myself enough, the pain of feeling alone won't be so acute.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not usually all emo and depressed. In fact, I haven't felt this way in a long time. The problem is that I'm at home for the summer from college (so I miss all of my friends, who are about 10 hours away), and my boyfriend just recently broke up with me. He had been my only connection to any sort of social life this summer, and now that link is gone. I miss him. What else am I supposed to say? Its not that I didn't expect it, because I did. I new for a few weeks that he was pulling away and that the end of our relationship was coming. Its like driving down the highway and you can see a dark storm cloud ahead of you, exactly on your path. You see it, but there's absolutely nothing you can do about it. So, you keep driving and the downpour comes and that's just what happened.
The problem is that I'm not sure wether I miss him or miss having someone there. Because, I don't really have a "best friend" anymore, either. My two best friends from high school live in Utah and Oklahoma: way to far from me. We rarely talk anymore and we never see each other. I love them and whenever we do get together its always really fun. But I don't have nayone to laugh with every day. I miss being able to have a buddy to watch action movies with, to have inside jokes with, to just hang out and be together everyday. And, I guess that's the place that Kip has filled for the past few months, and now that place is empty again. I mean, I miss kissing him, don't get me wrong, but I miss joking and having fun with him even more. We once spent an entire 45 minutes just making fart sounds on our arms and giggling, and that 's honestly one of my fondest memories of us together. He was always the sweetest to me. If I was ever in need of any encouragement, he was always there, without fail, to give it.
And I'm crying now. Awesome. A part of me wants him to find this and read it so he knows how much I miss him, but another part of me doesn't want him to know that I'm even still thinking about him, much less missing him. I guess I do miss him, then. Another discovery. Yay.
Sorry for the dull mood. I know you're probably reading this to find some sort of enjoyment in the midst of some unpleasant chore you have to do that you are obviously procrastinating (don't worry, I do it, too...).
So, I guess I'll go try to draw or go to sleep, or play bloons for a while. Just enough to forget how much I hurt right now. You know, it wouldn't be so bad if the emotional hurt didn't also translate to a physical one. Does that ever happen to you? I get it right beneath my sternum, and sometimes it feels thick there, too.
Ok, now I really am just rambling. Goodnight.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Subverting Expectations
I LOVE mixing genres. I love it when alternative rock bands (such as Yellowcard) do a cover of pop songs (Such as "Everywhere" by Nicky Cleary, I think). The asian Alex on So You Think You Can Dance did a dance in hiphop, but they snuck subtle little ballet things in there specifically because he's a ballerino (haha, I love that word..), and Ballet is "his" genre. Idk, I thought it was fantastic, and he did a great job, but the fact that the choreograpger snuck those little moments in made is priceless. That's why I love ballad arrangements of pop/r&b songs. It give a different feeling and perspective on a song we're aldread familiar with.
That is one of the things I LOVE about Glee, though, b/c they do a lot of genre-mixing and mash-ups, which is my other favorite. You know, how some songs just sound like they'd go together. I think people on the radio should do more mash-ups. They'd be a BIG hit!! At least, I'd buy them. I also thing it'd be nice to have more duets, like in the 80s. Now, I don't like many things that came from the 80s, but they had fantastic duets between people you'd NEVER expect to perform together, much less sound great together! Idk, i thing it would be fun to have Michael Buble and Lady Gaga pair up for a number. Unexpected? TOTALLY. But, they both sound great on the jazz/easy listening songs. Besides, I'd like to hear a slower side to Lady Gaga. A ballad maybe? THAT would be entertaining!!
I also love thinking about the other perspectives of well-known stories. Like Cinderella's step-sisters. I like to think that at least one was her friend, but was put in an odd/awkward position by the wicked step-mother. Or, what about the story behind the Genie in Aladdin? How did he become a genie? Has he ever been in love? What was home to him? Was he created by a sorcerer, or cursed from humanity for a crime he may not have committed. These are things to think about.
Have you ever thought about the bystanders (or the people I call "Extras") in the stories of superheroes? Picture Spider-Man. He swings from building to building, and occasionally, the comic panel will show the crowds walking below him. Or when there's a fight going on in downtown Manhattan and you see the people running away. What are there stories? What do they think about teh events they've seen? Are the at all affected? Do they change the way they act or think because they were that close to being a victim claimed by the Green Goblin's fiery jack-o-lanterns? "So, honey, how was work today?" "Oh, you know, the usual. Barely escaped certain doom, though, b/c Green Goblin's going at it again." I dunno, I just think its interesting to consider the perspectives of those who aren't the heroes. I suppose that's why I love the story of Tonks and Lupin from Harry Potter so much. They're side characters, but their individual perspectives and how they come to love each other is one of my favorite parts of the whole series. In fact, I kinda wish Rowling would do little novellettes about the background of the side characters, or maybe just snipits of thier perspectives. But, I guess that's why we have fan-fiction. Another side character I love is Albert in the TV show "The Little House on the Prairie". He gets adopted in season five or six by the Ingals, but the series ends in season 9. We never really get to experience when the rest of his life is, or what he was like before they found him. I'd also like to know how and why Han Solo became Han Solo. Why did he turn to smuggling? How did he and Chewie meet? Who did he love before Leia? I know there's a book series about this somethere, but I don't know who writes it. (So, hey, if you know, you should comment and let me know!)
Anyways, these are some of the things I think about. I mean, really to everyone reading this, I'm a side character, and they're the hero/heroine. (Haha, I love that song...), which it interesting to contemplate. I mean, we all have a supporting cast, and then there are the Extras: the cachier, the policeman, the roommate. But then, life surprises us and someone who used to be an Extra becomes a part of the supporting cast. And then the bigger surprise comes when you begin to fall in love with them and they become, to you, more central to your plot, and more important to consider when making decisions. And then you may begin to wonder how it all happened. Because hanging out and talking more seem small enough, but that's really what started it. And someone who used to be a part of the chorus in the supporting cast has risen to the title role as others who used to matter so much have faded into the background. But, in the end, you choose to let them move as they do. We choose to see others more or less than the other people we know. That choice lets us know them and allows them the opportunity to know us, which makes all the difference. We choose who we are and who we go with, or who we leave behind. We all have our reasons and our stories. Sometimes, our stories cross paths: it may be for a chapter or a page. Or, it may just change the rest of the book, and the one who changes your life just might be the Extra chorus member that you finally allowed yourself to see in the spotlight they deserve. And that makes all the difference. <3
TTFN,
S
PS: Thanks to MUHL 2303 for the title!!
That is one of the things I LOVE about Glee, though, b/c they do a lot of genre-mixing and mash-ups, which is my other favorite. You know, how some songs just sound like they'd go together. I think people on the radio should do more mash-ups. They'd be a BIG hit!! At least, I'd buy them. I also thing it'd be nice to have more duets, like in the 80s. Now, I don't like many things that came from the 80s, but they had fantastic duets between people you'd NEVER expect to perform together, much less sound great together! Idk, i thing it would be fun to have Michael Buble and Lady Gaga pair up for a number. Unexpected? TOTALLY. But, they both sound great on the jazz/easy listening songs. Besides, I'd like to hear a slower side to Lady Gaga. A ballad maybe? THAT would be entertaining!!
I also love thinking about the other perspectives of well-known stories. Like Cinderella's step-sisters. I like to think that at least one was her friend, but was put in an odd/awkward position by the wicked step-mother. Or, what about the story behind the Genie in Aladdin? How did he become a genie? Has he ever been in love? What was home to him? Was he created by a sorcerer, or cursed from humanity for a crime he may not have committed. These are things to think about.
Have you ever thought about the bystanders (or the people I call "Extras") in the stories of superheroes? Picture Spider-Man. He swings from building to building, and occasionally, the comic panel will show the crowds walking below him. Or when there's a fight going on in downtown Manhattan and you see the people running away. What are there stories? What do they think about teh events they've seen? Are the at all affected? Do they change the way they act or think because they were that close to being a victim claimed by the Green Goblin's fiery jack-o-lanterns? "So, honey, how was work today?" "Oh, you know, the usual. Barely escaped certain doom, though, b/c Green Goblin's going at it again." I dunno, I just think its interesting to consider the perspectives of those who aren't the heroes. I suppose that's why I love the story of Tonks and Lupin from Harry Potter so much. They're side characters, but their individual perspectives and how they come to love each other is one of my favorite parts of the whole series. In fact, I kinda wish Rowling would do little novellettes about the background of the side characters, or maybe just snipits of thier perspectives. But, I guess that's why we have fan-fiction. Another side character I love is Albert in the TV show "The Little House on the Prairie". He gets adopted in season five or six by the Ingals, but the series ends in season 9. We never really get to experience when the rest of his life is, or what he was like before they found him. I'd also like to know how and why Han Solo became Han Solo. Why did he turn to smuggling? How did he and Chewie meet? Who did he love before Leia? I know there's a book series about this somethere, but I don't know who writes it. (So, hey, if you know, you should comment and let me know!)
Anyways, these are some of the things I think about. I mean, really to everyone reading this, I'm a side character, and they're the hero/heroine. (Haha, I love that song...), which it interesting to contemplate. I mean, we all have a supporting cast, and then there are the Extras: the cachier, the policeman, the roommate. But then, life surprises us and someone who used to be an Extra becomes a part of the supporting cast. And then the bigger surprise comes when you begin to fall in love with them and they become, to you, more central to your plot, and more important to consider when making decisions. And then you may begin to wonder how it all happened. Because hanging out and talking more seem small enough, but that's really what started it. And someone who used to be a part of the chorus in the supporting cast has risen to the title role as others who used to matter so much have faded into the background. But, in the end, you choose to let them move as they do. We choose to see others more or less than the other people we know. That choice lets us know them and allows them the opportunity to know us, which makes all the difference. We choose who we are and who we go with, or who we leave behind. We all have our reasons and our stories. Sometimes, our stories cross paths: it may be for a chapter or a page. Or, it may just change the rest of the book, and the one who changes your life just might be the Extra chorus member that you finally allowed yourself to see in the spotlight they deserve. And that makes all the difference. <3
TTFN,
S
PS: Thanks to MUHL 2303 for the title!!
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